In the period right before my parents died, each of them had serious medical conditions that required care. I was their caregiver at home during their last few years. It was a highly emotional time, all my energy was absorbed in their care. Though difficult and stressful, I loved doing it. I wanted to be there for my parents as they had always been there for me. There was never any question in my mind, I wanted and needed to be with them as long as I could until the very end.
Caregiving is one of the most rewarding things you can do in life. You not only help others in need, but in the process you also end up helping yourself. However, I believe we don’t think far enough ahead to realize that caregiving, by definition, is a time limited activity. Wether for your own loved ones or for others, often the prognosis for that person is terminal. And we should think ahead to what we want to do afterwards, or rather who we want to be, what do we live for now?
I know for me, I identified pretty strongly with my role as a caregiver. But once my parents were gone I didn’t have much of an identity anymore. I had lived for my parents, my family. Now I had nothing more to live for. I remember a conversation I had with one of my cousins right after my mother died. He said I needed to find something else to live for now, some new meaning for my life, a new identity.
I know some of you after your loss might continue on with hospital volunteer work and help others as their caregiver. This enables you to keep that identity and expand on it with others which is a good thing. But others of you may find you need to discover new meaning and new things to care about. For instance try new hobbies, perhaps you always wanted to be an artist or a chef but never had the circumstances to pursue it. Now would be a good time to take up those activities you enjoy, and through them you find new passions, new meaning, and something to live for now.
Loss almost always requires us to rebuild our lives, and find new direction, identity, and worth.
Thanks for reading,
Sharon
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