After the death of a loved one many of us completely shut down. We isolate ourselves and turn our energies inward, but in a negative way. We do this as a way to protect ourselves from the pain of loss that we do not want to feel. Often it is too much suffering for us to bear so we hide from it, which in turn only causes a greater drain on our energy. We are left with a big hole in our lives that can’t be filled any more, not in the same way. We’ve lost someone who gave our lives meaning and purpose. We may feel like we no longer have a reason to live.
But this is the very time that we most need to turn inward. We don’t really think about spirituality at this time. The needs of our core inner self are drowned out. However, it’s that true inner self that is the key to the greater meaning in life and to healing. When a loved one dies we need to nurture ourselves spiritually with things that nourish our souls, that soothe the pain our souls are in. Taking care of our spiritual selves is as important as taking care of our physical selves, which we do every day without thought. But our spirits don’t seem to receive that same attention.
To work through your grief, you need to take the time and attention to nurture your spirit. Acknowledge and feel the pain you’re in, don’t try to stifle or hide it. Feel your loss. Your loss is yours alone and you own it to do with it whatever you please. There is a kind of power in even that statement.
Everyone chooses his own path to mourn. We all have to define for ourselves our own spirituality. Spirituality and religion are not the same. For some people they are as one; their religious life is their spiritual life. Others have a rich spiritual life without going to any church. You find your own unique path through exploration, introspection, and contemplation.
Spirituality helps us feel a connection to the universe, God, and everything in our world. It can give life meaning and purpose once more. We never “get over” or “let go of” the death of a loved one. Death isn’t something that can be resolved or explained, it just is a state of being. Only if you are alive can you be sure of eventually experiencing death. Death exists as life exists. It is to be experienced and is part and parcel of the same state of human existence.
When we are in the throes of grief, we believe that healing means we will no longer be in extreme pain over our loss. So we strive for that outcome. But that is not the ultimate goal. Grief is a journey much as the rest of our life is. And the goal is to find a new life with new meaning. We need to transform ourselves with new activities. The life we had with our loved ones is gone, and things can never be the same again. It is perhaps finding our own answers to the questions of why people live, and why people die. But to do this we must open up to our spiritual selves and look inward to find our own unique answers as to what we are put here on earth to do. When you have found and know your path in life, then you have your reason to live. And sometimes you may even find that your newfound purpose and path in life is greater than the old one you had before. Thus, life is always a continual process of transformation and discovery.
1) Prayer
2) Worship
3) Meditation
4) Keep a gratitude journal
5) Visit the outdoors, take a walk in the woods
6) Spend time in solitude and silence, turn inward
7) Practice yoga
8) Listen to or play music
9) Inspirational reading
10) Seek out the help of a spiritual mentor or clergy member
11) Take good care of yourself physically
12) Reach out to others for help
13) Be present in the moment
14) Create – write (a poem, or stories), paint, sew, cook, garden, play an instrument, decorate, scrapbook.
15) Forgive - to free yourself of the heavy load of any resentment you might have towards anyone. Forgive both others and yourself.
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