After my parents died, their belongings that were left behind in their home became special to me. It was all that was left of them, and suddenly it meant more to me than ever before. When they were here with me I had them to love and care for. But with them gone, I transferred a slightly altered version of that love over to their possessions. If I couldn’t be with them, at least I could be around the things that they enjoyed and surrounded themselves with. It was like the next best thing to having them here.
I could no longer have the physical presence of my father, nor hear his voice talking to me. But I could use the marble-based lamp with the silk lamp shade he bought 40 years ago; or sit in the basement before his 30 foot wall of bookshelves, looking through his beautiful collection of old books, many dating back to 1890 or 1900.
I can’t tell you not to feel this way yourselves, because in all honesty I do feel this way myself about the possessions of my loved ones. The reality is that their possessions matter. They matter all the more because it’s all that’s left of them. There is a kind of strength that I gain from being surrounded by the environment my parents lived in, with all their things intact. It is comforting, and in some ways feels as if they are still near me or close by. I couldn’t achieve this If I were living out of this area.
We get reinforcement for our memories from the objects our loved ones leave behind. Those things serve as aids to our memory of special events. The objects are each associated with a place, a time, or a feeling from our past that we experienced with them. Things serve as a link to what was, and that is so important to keep especially right after your loved one passes on. A lifetime of accumulated possessions is a lifetime of memories. So we treat it as if the object itself contained our beloved’s soul somehow, which it surely does not. The remaining belongings can become precious in and of themselves.
This is an issue that has become very problematic and difficult for me to deal with. Because as much as I don’t want to let go of these treasures from their past, don’t want to let go of the past and my life with them, I am finding that I just can’t keep everything. At some point I just have to let go. Estates can be large, and you need a spacious home to live in if you want to try and keep the life that your loved ones had, keep all of their possessions, as well as your own.
I don’t think any of us can get by in our life’s journey without having to let go of some things along the way. If everything is precious to you, every object, then nothing is precious to you. Nothing stands out as special. My mother doesn’t reside in that old 1940’s hand painted porcelain tea cup she used to drink out of, nor does my father reside in that 1920’s dictionary he bought at an old thrift store 30 years ago. They aren’t in those objects. This is an attachment to things. They are at their heart just material possessions, and material possessions are just that. I believe life should have deeper meaning beyond the physical world. It should be about spiritual values and love, love for our family members, not love for their possessions. I believe they no longer care about their material possessions where they are now.
I value and loved the past and the life we had together. Everything in this house is a one of a kind irreplaceable treasure. I don’t like to let any of it go or throw anything out. To me, that feels the same way as letting go of the last of a way of life. A way of life that once gone, I can never get back nor return to. But I have to ask myself exactly what it is that I think I’m holding onto now, since both my loved ones are gone. Their love is still and will always be with me. It isn’t dependent on being around their things. Their love will travel with me wherever I go. It ends up being just a very crowded house full of their things as well as my own.
I don’t have anywhere to store all these things, and I have no ability to move somewhere else. It is too many possessions to cart around. I become trapped in a household of cherished items that I’m attached to and can’t give up. The key to living a full life is to be able to let go when you have to and move on.
Life is short and it is meant to be lived. Life is not meant to be a living tomb of your loved ones remaining belongings that you want to surround yourself with. Change is hard for me as is letting go. But sometimes if you let go of something you love, you set it free and it will come back to you later on of it’s own free will.
You can’t take it with you, but then I don’t think you’d want to. You’d be moving on to just yet another phase of a different way of life, another one of life’s many changes.
Thanks for reading,
Sharon
Comments